Sixth Notebook – Paragraphs 1641-1650
1641. At adoration during the Forty-Hours’ Devotion, the Lord said to me, My daughter, write that involuntary offenses of souls do not hinder My love for them or prevent Me from uniting Myself with them. But voluntary offenses, even the smallest, obstruct My graces, and I cannot lavish My gifts on such souls.
1642. + Jesus gave me to know of how everything is dependent on His will, thus giving me profound peace as regards the security of His work.
1643. Listen, My daughter, although all the works that come into being by My will are exposed to great sufferings, consider whether any of them has been subject to greater difficulties than that work which is directly Mine – the work of Redemption. You should not worry too much about adversities. The world is not as powerful as it seems to be; its strength is strictly limited. Know, My daughter, that if your soul is filled with the fire of My pure love, then all difficulties dissipate like fog before the sun’s rays and dare not touch the soul. All adversaries are afraid to start a quarrel with such a soul, because they sense that it is stronger than the whole world.
1644. My daughter, do as much for this work of mercy as obedience allows, but present clearly to your confessor the very least of My demands, and he will decide. You must not shirk in any way, but carry out everything faithfully; otherwise, I would find no pleasure in you …
1645. March 25, 1938. Today, I saw the suffering Lord Jesus. He leaned down toward me and whispered softly, My daughter, help Me to save sinners. Suddenly, a burning desire to save souls entered my soul. When I recovered my senses, I knew just how I was to help souls, and I prepared myself for greater sufferings.
1646. + Today [probably Friday, March 25, 1938] my suffering increased; in addition, I felt wounds in my hands, feet and side. I endured this with patience. I sensed the hostility of the enemy of souls, but he did not touch me.
1647. April 1, . Once again, I am feeling worse today. A high fever is beginning to consume me, and I cannot take any food. I would like to have something refreshing to drink, but there is not even any water in my pitcher. All this, O Jesus, to obtain mercy for souls.
Just as I was renewing my intention with greater love, one of the novices came in and gave me a big orange which had been sent by the Directress of Novices [Sister Callista]. I saw the Lord’s hand in this. The same thing happened again, several times. During this time, although my needs were known, I never received anything refreshing to eat, even though I had asked for it. However, I knew that God was demanding suffering and sacrifices. I am not writing in detail about these refusals, because these are delicate matters, and it is difficult to believe. Yet God can demand even such sacrifices.
1648. I was about to ask Mother Superior [Irene] to allow me to have something in my cell with which to quench my great thirst, but before I managed to ask, Mother herself began to speak. “Sister, let’s make an end of this illness once and for all, one way or another. You’ll have to undergo regular treatment or something. Things can’t go on like this any longer.” A little later when I was alone I said, “Christ, what am I to do? Am I to ask You for health or for death?” I had no clear command, so I knelt down and said, “May Your holy will be done in my regard. Do with me, Jesus, as You please.” At that very moment, I felt as though I were all alone, and various temptations attacked me. But I found peace and light in earnest prayer, and I understood that the superior only wished to test me.
1649. I don’t know how this happens, but the room in which I have been lying has been very much neglected. Sometimes, it has not been cleaned for more than two weeks. Often, no one would light a fire in the stove, and so my cough would get worse. Sometimes I would ask to have a fire lit, and at other times I did not have the courage to ask. On one occasion, when Mother Superior [Irene] came to see me and asked me if perhaps it was necessary to heat the room more, I said, No, because it was already getting warmer outside, and we had the window open.
1650. First Friday. When I took the Messenger of the Sacred Heart into my hand and read the account of the canonization of Saint Andrew Bobola, my soul was instantly filled with a great longing that our Congregation, too, might have a saint, and I wept like a child that there was no saint in our midst. And I said to the Lord, “I know Your generosity, and yet it seems to me that You are less generous toward us.” And I began again to weep like a little child. And the Lord Jesus said to me, Don’t cry. You are that saint. Then the light of God inundated my soul, and I was given to know how much I was to suffer, and I said to the Lord, “How will that come about? You have been speaking to me about another Congregation.” And the Lord answered. It is not for you to know how this will come about. Your duty is to be faithful to My grace and to do always what is within your power and what obedience allows you to do …