Diary of Sr Faustina – 5th Notebook (par.1501-1510)

Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1501-1510

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1501. + Now that I have difficulty sleeping at night, because my suffering won’t allow it, I visit all the churches and chapels and, if only for a brief moment, I make an act of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. When I return to my chapel, I then pray for certain priests who proclaim and glory The Divine Mercy. I also pray for the intentions of the Holy Father and to obtain mercy for sinners – such are my nights.

1502. January 20, 1938. I never cringe before anyone. I can’t bear flattery, for humility is nothing but the truth. There is no cringing in true humility. Although I consider myself the least in the whole convent, on the other hand, I enjoy the honor of being the bride of Christ. Little matter that often I hear people say that I am proud, for I know that human judgment does not discern motives for our actions.

1503. When, at the beginning of my religious life, following the novitiate, I began to exercise myself particularly in humility, the humiliations that God sent me were not enough for me. And so, in my excessive zeal, I looked for more of them on my own, and I often represented myself to my superiors other than I was in reality and spoke of miseries of which I had no notion. But a short time later, Jesus gave me to know that humility is only the truth. From that time on, I changed my ideas, faithfully following the light of Jesus. I learned that if a soul is with Jesus, He will not permit it to err.

1504. + Lord, You know that since my youth I have always sought Your will and, recognizing it, have always tried to carry it out. My heart has been accustomed to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit, to whom I am faithful. In the midst of the greatest noise I have heard the voice of God. I always know what is going on in my interior …

1505. I am striving for sanctity, because in this way I shall be useful to the Church. I make constant efforts in practicing virtue. I try faithfully to follow Jesus. And I deposit this whole series of daily virtues – silent, hidden, almost imperceptible, but made with great love – in the treasury of God’s Church for the common benefit of souls. I feel interiorly as if I were responsible for all souls. I know very well that I do not live for myself alone, but for the entire Church …

1506. + O incomprehensible God, my heart dissolves in joy that You have allowed me to penetrate the mysteries of Your mercy! Everything begins with Your mercy and ends with Your mercy.

1507. All grace flows from mercy, and the last hour abounds with mercy for us. Let no one doubt concerning the goodness of God; even if a person’s sins were as dark as night, God’s mercy is stronger than our misery. One thing alone is necessary: that the sinner set ajar the door of his heart, be it ever so little, to let in a ray of God’s merciful grace, and then God will do the rest. But poor is the soul who has shut the door on God’s mercy, even at the last hour. It was just such souls who plunged Jesus into deadly sorrow in the Garden of Olives; indeed, it was from His Most Merciful Heart that divine mercy flowed out.

1508. January 21, [1938]. Jesus, how truly dreadful it would be to suffer if it were not for You. But it is You, Jesus, stretched out on the cross, who give me strength and are always close to the suffering soul. Creatures will abandon a person in his suffering, but You, O Lord, are faithful …

1509. It often happens when one is ill, as in the case of Job in the Old testament, that as long as one can move about and work, everything is fine and dandy; but when God sends illness, somehow or other, there are fewer friends about. But yet, there are some. They still take interest in our suffering and all that, but if God sends a longer illness, even those faithful friends slowly begin to desert us. They visit us less frequently, and often their visits cause suffering. Instead of comforting us, they reproach us about certain things, which is an occasion of a good deal of suffering. And so the soul, like Job, is alone; but fortunately, it is not alone, because Jesus-Host is with it.

After having tasted the above sufferings and spent a whole night in bitterness, the next morning, when the chaplain [Father Theodore] brought me Holy Communion, I had to control myself by sheer effort of will to keep from crying out at the top of my voice, “Welcome, my true and only Friend.” Holy Communion gives me strength to suffer and fight.

I wish to speak of one more thing that I have experienced: when God gives neither death nor health, and [when] this lasts for many years, people become accustomed to this and consider the person as not being ill. Then there begins a whole series of silent sufferings. Only God knows how many sacrifices the soul makes.

1510. One evening, when I was feeling so bad that I wondered how I would get back to my cell, I came across the Sister Assistant [Sister Seraphina], who was asking one of the sisters of the first choir to go to the gate with a certain message. But when she saw me, she said to her, “No, Sister, you need not go, but Sister Faustina will, because it is raining heavily.” In answered, “All right,” and went and carried out the order, but only God knows the whole of it. This is just one example among many. Sometimes it would seem that a sister of the second choir (note232) is made of stone, but she also is human and has a heart and feelings …

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