Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1471-1480
1471. Although I am feeling weak, and my nature is clamoring for rest, I feel the inspiration of grace telling me to take hold of myself and write, write for the comfort of souls, whom I love so much and with whom I will share all eternity. And I desire eternal life for them so ardently that that is why I use all my free moments, no matter how short, for writing in the way that Jesus wishes of me.
1472. January 8. During Holy Mass, I had a moment of knowledge concerning Father S., that great glory is being given to God through our mutual efforts. And even though we are far from each other, we are often together, because we are united by a common goal.
1473. O my Jesus, my only desire, although I wanted to receive You today with greater fervor than ever, nevertheless, precisely on this day, my soul is drier than ever. My faith grows in power, and so the fruit of Your coming, Lord, will be abundant. Although many a time You come without touching my senses and reign only in the loftier part of me, the senses too sometimes rejoice at Your coming.
1474. I often ask the Lord Jesus for an intellect enlightened by faith. I express this to the Lord in these words: “Jesus, give me an intellect, a great intellect, for this only, that I may understand You better; because the better I get to know You, the more ardently will I love You. Jesus, I ask You for a powerful intellect, that I may understand divine and lofty matters. Jesus, give me a keen intellect with which I will get to know Your Divine Essence and Your indwelling, Triune life. Give my intellect these capacities and aptitudes by means of your special grace. Although I know that there is a capability through grace which the Church gives me, there is still a treasure of graces which You give us, O Lord, when we ask You for them. But if my request is not pleasing to You, then I beg You, do not give me the inclination to pray thus.”
1475. I strive for the greatest perfection possible in order to be useful to the Church. Greater by far is my bond to the Church. The sanctity or the fall of each individual soul has an effect upon the whole Church. Observing myself and those who are close to me, I have come to understand how great an influence I have on other souls, not by any heroic deeds, as these are striking in themselves, but by small actions like a movement of the hand, a look, and many other things too numerous to mention, which have an effect on and reflect in the souls of others, as I myself have noticed.
1476. Oh, how good it is that our rule demands strict silence in the dormitory [common bedrooms] and does not allow us to stay in them unless it is absolutely necessary. I have at present a little room in which two of us sleep, but at the time of my sickness when I had to stay in bed, I found out how bothersome it was if someone was sitting in the bedroom all the time. Sister N. (note228) had some handwork to do and sat in the bedroom almost all of the time, and another S. (note229) would come to instruct her on how to do it. It’s difficult to describe how much this tires one, especially when one is ill and has spent a night in pain. Every word has a repercussion somewhere in the brain, especially when the eyes are heavy with sleep. O rule, how much love there is in you …
1477. When, during Vespers, the Magnificat was being sung and they came to the words, “He has shown the strength of His arm,” a profound spirit of recollection enveloped my soul, and I understood that the Lord would soon accomplish His work in my soul. (note230) I am not surprised now that the Lord did not disclose everything to me at first.
1478. + Why are You sad today, Jesus? Tell me, who is the cause of Your sadness? And Jesus answered me. Chosen souls who do not have my spirit, who live according to the letter [cf. 2 Cor. 3:6] and have placed the letter above My spirit, above the spirit of love.
I have founded My whole law on love, and yet I do not see love, even in religious orders. This is why sadness fills My Heart.
J. M. J.
1479. O my Jesus, in terrible bitterness and pain,
I yet feel the caress of Your Divine Heart.
Like a good mother, You press me to Your bosom,
And even now You give me to experience what the veil hides.
O my Jesus, in this wilderness and terror which surround me,
My heart still feels the warmth of Your gaze,
Which no storm can blot out form me,
As You give me the assurance of your great love, O God.
0 my Jesus, midst the great miseries of this life,
You shine like a star, O Jesus, protecting me from shipwreck.
And though my miseries be great,
I have great trust in the power of Your mercy.
O hidden Jesus, in the many struggles of my last hour,
May the omnipotence of Your grace be poured out upon my soul,
That at death’s moment I may gaze upon You
And see You face to face, as do the chosen in heaven.
0 my Jesus, midst the dangers which surround me,
I go through life with a cry of joy, my head raised proudly,
Because against Your Heart so filled with love, O Jesus,
All enemies will be crushed, all darkness dispelled.
1480. + Jesus, hide me in Your mercy and shield me against everything that might terrify my soul. Do not let my trust in Your mercy be disappointed. Shield me with the omnipotence of Your mercy, and judge me leniently as well.