Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1461-1470
1461. + O my Jesus, when I am misunderstood and my soul is in anguish, I want to stay a while alone with You. The words of mortals give me no comfort. Do not send me, O Lord, such messengers as speak only for themselves and say what their own nature dictates to them. Such consolers make me very tired.
1462. January 6, 1938. Today, when the chaplain [Father Theodore] brought the Lord Jesus, a light issued from the Host, its light striking my heart and filling me with a great fire of love. Jesus was letting me know that I should answer the inspirations of grace with more faithfulness, and that my vigilance should be more subtle.
1463. + The Lord also gave me to know that many bishops were considering the question of this Feast, as well as a certain lay person. Some were enthusiastic about this work of God, while others regarded it with disbelief; but in spite of everything, the result was great glory for the work of God. Mother Irene and Mother Mary Joseph were giving some kind of a report to these dignitaries, but they were being questioned, not so much about the work, as about myself. (note227) As regards the work itself, there was no doubt, since the glory of God was already being proclaimed.
1464. I feel much better today. I was glad I would be able to meditate more during the Holy Hour. Then I heard a voice: You will not be in good health. Do not put off the Sacrament of Penance, because this displeases Me. Pay little attention to the murmurs of those around you. This surprised me, because I am feeling better today, but I gave it no more thought. When the sister switched off the light, I began the holy Hour. But after a while something went wrong with my heart. I suffered in silence until eleven o’clock, but then I began to feel so bad that I woke up Sister N. [probably Sister Fabiola], who is my roommate, and she gave me some drops, which brought me a little relief so that I could lie down. I now understand the Lord’s warning. I decided to call any priest at all, the next day, and to open the secrets of my soul to him. But that was not all, for while I was praying for sinners and offering all my sufferings for them, the Evil Spirit could not stand that.
1465. Taking the form of an apparition he said, “Do not pray for sinners, but for yourself, for you will be damned.” Paying no attention to Satan, I continued to pray with redoubled fervor for sinners. The Evil Spirit howled with fury, “Oh, if I had power over you!” and disappeared. I saw that my suffering and prayer shackled Satan and snatched many souls from his clutches.
1466. Jesus, lover of human salvation, draw all souls to the divine life. May the greatness of Your mercy be praised here on earth and in eternity. O great lover of souls, who in Your boundless compassion opened the salutary fountains of mercy so that weak souls may be fortified in this life’s pilgrimage, Your mercy runs through our life like a golden thread and maintains in good order the contact of our being with God. For He does not need anything to make Him happy; so everything is solely the work of His mercy. My senses are transfixed with joy when God grants me a deeper awareness of that great attribute of His; namely, His unfathomable mercy.
1467. January 7, 1938. First Friday of the month. This morning during Mass, for a brief while, I saw the suffering Savior. What struck me was that Jesus was so peaceful amidst His great sufferings. I understood that this was a lesson for me on what my outward behavior should be in the midst of my various sufferings.
1468. For quite a long while, I felt pain in my hands, feet and side. Then I saw a certain sinner who, profiting from my sufferings, drew near to the Lord. All this for starving souls that they may not die of starvation.
1469. + I went to confession to the chaplain [Father Theodore] today. Jesus comforted me through this priest. O my Mother, Church of God, you are a true Mother who understands her children …
1470. Oh, how good it is that Jesus will judge us according to our conscience and not according to people’s talk and judgments. O inconceivable goodness, I see You full of goodness in the very act of judgment.