Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1431-1440
1431. Nevertheless, when in the refectory I still had to bear being the object of the frequent suspicion that I was being fussy [about my food]. At such times, as always, I hasten to the Tabernacle and bow before the ciborium and there draw strength to accept God’s will. That which I have written is not yet everything.
1432. Today during confession, breaking the wafer (note220a) with me spiritually, he gave me the following wishes: “Bet as faithful as you can to the grace of God; secondly, beg God’s mercy for yourself and for the whole world, because we are all in great need of God’s mercy.”
1433. Two days before Christmas, these words were read in the refectory: “Tomorrow is the Birth of Jesus Christ according to the flesh.” (note221) At these words, my soul was pierced by the light and love of God, and I gained deeper knowledge of the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God. How great is the mercy of God contained in the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God!
1434. Today, the Lord gave me knowledge of His anger toward mankind which deserves to have its days shortened because of its sins. But I learned that the world’s existence is maintained by chosen souls; that is, the religious orders. Woe to the world when there will be a lack of religious orders!
J. M. J.
1435. I perform each deed in the face of death.
I do it now as I would want to see it in my last hour.
Although life, like the wind, will pass swiftly by,
No deed undertaken for God will perish.
I feel the complete decay of my organism,
Although I am still living and working.
Death will be no tragedy for me,
Because I have long felt it.
Although it is very unpleasant for nature
To constantly smell one’s own corpse,
Yet it is not so terrible when the soul is filled with God’s light,
Because in it faith, hope, love and contrition are awakened.
Daily I make great efforts
To take part in community life,
Thereby gaining graces for souls’ salvation,
Shielding them by my sacrifice from the fire of hell.
For the salvation of even a single soul
Is worth the sacrifice of a lifetime
And the bearing of the greatest sacrifices and torments,
Seeing how great the glory it gives God.
1436. + Lord, although You often make known to me the thunders of Your anger, Your anger vanishes before lowly souls. Although You are great, Lord, You allow Yourself to be overcome by a lowly and deeply humble soul. O humility, the most precious of virtues, how few souls possess you! I see only a semblance of this virtue everywhere, but not the virtue itself. Lord, reduce me to nothingness in my own eyes that I may find grace in Yours.
1437. + Christmas Eve , After Holy Communion, the Mother of God gave me to experience the anxious concern she had in Her heart because of the Son of God. But this anxiety was permeated with such fragrance of abandonment to the will of God that I should call it rather a delight than an anxiety. I understood how my soul ought to accept the will of God in all things. It is a pity I cannot write this the way I experienced it. My soul was plunged in deep recollection all day long. Nothing could tear me away from this recollection, neither duties, nor the business I had with lay people.
1438. Before supper, I went into the chapel for a moment to break the wafer spiritually with those beloved persons, so dear to my heart, though far away. First, I steeped myself in a profound prayer and asked the Lord for graces for them all as a group and then for each one individually. Jesus gave me to know how much this pleased Him, and my soul was filled with even greater joy to see that God loves in a special way those whom we love.
1439. + After I had gone into the refectory, during the reading, my whole being found itself plunged in God. Interiorly, I saw God looking at us with great pleasure. I remained alone with the Heavenly Father. At that moment, I had a deeper knowledge of the Three Divine persons, whom we shall contemplate for all eternity and, after millions of years, shall discover that we have just barely begun our contemplation. Oh, how great is the mercy of God, who allows man to participate in such a high degree in His divine happiness! At the same time, what great pain pierces my heart [at the thought] that so many souls have spurned this happiness.
1440. When we began to share the wafer, a sincere and mutual love reigned among us. Mother Superior [Irene] expressed this wish to me: “Sister, the works of God proceed slowly, so do not be in a hurry.” In general, the sisters sincerely wished me great love, which is that which I desire above all. I saw that these wishes truly came from their hearts, except for one sister, who had a concealed malice in her wishes, although this did not cause me much pain, for my soul was pervaded by God. Yet this enlightened me as to why God communicates so little with a soul of this kind, and I learned that such a soul is always seeking itself, even in holy things. Oh, how good the Lord is in not letting me go astray! I know that He will guard me, even jealously, but only as long as I remain little, because it is with such that the great Lord likes to commune. As to proud souls, He watches them from afar and opposed them.