Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1381-1390
1381. + It occurred to me to take my medicine, not by the spoonful, but just a little at a time, because it was expensive. Instantly, I heard a voice, My daughter, I do not like such conduct. Accept with gratitude everything I give you through the superiors, and in this way you will please Me more.
1382. + When Sister Dominic (note219) died at about one o’clock in the night, she came to me and gave me to know that she was dead. I prayed fervently for her. In the morning, the sisters told me that she was no longer alive, and I replied that I knew, because she had visited me. The sister infirmarian [Sister Chrysostom] asked me to help dress her. And then when I was alone with her, the Lord gave me to know that she was still suffering in purgatory. I redoubled my prayers for her. However, despite the zeal with which I always pray for our deceased sisters, I got mixed up as regards the days, and instead of offering three days of prayer, as the rule directs us to do, by mistake I offered only two days. On the fourth day, she gave me to know that I still owed her prayers, and that she was in need of them. I immediately formed the intention of offering the whole day for her, and not just that day but much more, as love of neighbor dictated to me.
1383. Because Sister Dominic, after her death, gave the appearance of looking so well, some sisters said that perhaps she was only in a coma, and one of the sisters suggested to me that we ought to go and put a mirror to her mouth to see if it would mist, because it would if she were alive. I said all right, and we did as we said, but the mirror did not mist, although it seemed to us as if it had. Nevertheless, the Lord gave me to know how much this had displeased Him, and I was severely admonished never to act against my inner convictions. I humbled myself profoundly before the Lord and asked His pardon.
1384. I see a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] whom God loves greatly, but whom Satan hates terribly because he is leading many souls to a high degree of sanctity and has regard only for God’s glory. But I keep asking God that his patience with those who constantly oppose him might not run out. Where Satan himself can do no harm, he uses people.
1385. November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My great delight is to unite Myself with souls Know, My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how sad I am that souls do not recognize Love! They treat Me as a dead object. I answered Jesus, “O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You at least in part for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it as in a beautiful garden.
1386. O my Jesus, farewell; I must go already to take up my tasks. But I will prove my love for You with sacrifice, neither neglecting nor letting any chance for practicing it slip by.”
When I left the chapel, Mother Superior [Irene] said to me, “You will not go to the catechetical lecture, Sister, but will remain on duty.” Very well, Jesus; I thus had, throughout the day, very many opportunities for sacrifice. I omitted none, owing to the strength of spirit I drew from Holy Communion.
1387. There are times in life when a soul is in such a state that it does not seem to understand human speech. Everything tires it, and nothing but ardent prayer will put it as ease. In fervent prayer the soul finds relief and, even if it wanted explanation from creatures, these would only make it more restless.
1388. + During one time of prayer, I learned how pleasing to God was the soul of Father Andrasz. He is a true child of God. It is rare that divine sonship shines forth so clearly in a soul, and this because he has a special devotion to the Mother of God.
1389. O my Jesus, although I have such very strong impulsions, I am to act on them slowly, and this only in order not to spoil Your work with my haste. O my Jesus, You give me to know Your mysteries, and You want me to transmit them to other souls. Soon now it will be possible for me to act. At the moment of apparent absolute destruction, my mission, now no longer hindered by anything, will begin. Such is the will of God in this, and it will not change; although many persons oppose it, nothing will change God’s will.
1390. I see Father Sopocko, how his mind is busily occupied and working in God’s cause in order to present the wishes of God to the officials of the Church. As a result of his efforts, a new light will shine in the Church of God for the consolation of souls. Although for the present his soul is filled with bitterness, as though that were to be the reward for his efforts in the cause of the Lord, this will not however be the case. I see his joy, which nothing will diminish. God will grant him some of this joy already here on earth. I have never before come upon such great faithfulness to God as distinguishes this soul.