Forth Notebook – Paragraphs 1241-1250
1241. + O my Jesus, when someone is unkind and unpleasant toward us, it is difficult enough to bear this kind of suffering. But this is very little in comparison to a suffering which I cannot bear; namely, that which I experience when someone exhibits kindness towards me and then lays snares at my feet at every step I take. What great will power is necessary to love such a soul for God’s sake. Many a time one has to be heroic in loving such a soul as God demands. If contact with that person were infrequent, it would be easier to endure, but when one lives in close contact with the person and experiences this at each step, this demands a very great effort.
1242. My Jesus, penetrate me through and through so that I might be able to reflect You in my whole life. Divinize me so that my deeds may have supernatural value. Grant that I may have love, compassion and mercy for every soul without exception. O my Jesus, each of Your saints reflects one of Your virtues; I desire to reflect Your compassionate heart, full of mercy; I want to glorify it. Let Your mercy, O Jesus, be impressed upon my heart and soul like a seal, and this will be my badge in this and the future life. Glorifying Your mercy is the exclusive task of my life.
August 15, 1937. Father Andrasz’ instructions.
1243. “These times of dryness and stark awareness of one’s wretchedness, which God has permitted, allow the soul to know how little it can do by itself. They will teach you how much you should appreciate God’s graces. Secondly, faithfulness in all exercises and duties, faithfulness in everything, just as in times of joy. Thirdly, as regards the matters in question, be absolutely obedient to the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] although, from time to time, the matter can be brought to his attention, but peacefully. Sometimes, a little bitter truth is necessary.”
At the end of the conversation, I asked the priest to allow me to commune with Jesus as I had done formerly. He answered, “I cannot give orders to the Lord Jesus, but if He Himself draws you to Himself you may follow the attraction. However, always remember to show Him great reverence, for the Lord is great indeed. If you are truly seeking God’s will in all this and desire to fulfill it, you can be at peace; the Lord will not allow any sort of error. As to the mortifications and sufferings, you will give me an account next time of how you can carry them out. Place yourself in the hands of the Most Holy Mother.”
1244. August 15, 1937. During meditation, God’s presence pervaded me keenly, and I was aware of the Virgin Mary’s joy at the moment of Her Assumption Towards the end of the ceremony carried out in honor of the Mother of God, I saw the Virgin Mary, and She said to me, Oh, how very pleased I am with the homage of your love! And at that moment She covered all the sisters of our Congregation with Her mantle. With Her right hand, She clasped Mother General Michael to herself, and with Her left hand She did so to me, while all the sisters were at Her feet, covered with Her mantle. Then the Mother of God said, Everyone who perseveres zealously till death in My Congregation will be spared the fire of purgatory, and I desire that each one distinguish herself by the following virtues: humility and meekness; chastity and love of God and neighbor; compassion and mercy. After these words, the whole Congregation disappeared from my sight, and I remained alone with the Most Holy Mother who instructed me about the will of God and how to apply it to my life, submitting completely to His most holy decrees. It is impossible for one to please God without obeying His holy will. My daughter, I strongly recommend that you faithfully fulfill all God’s wishes, for that is most pleasing in His holy eyes. I very much desire that you distinguish yourself in this faithfulness in accomplishing God’s will. Put the will of God before all sacrifices and holocausts. While the heavenly Mother was talking to me, a deep understanding of this will of God was entering my soul.
1245. My Jesus, delight of my hart, when my soul is filled with Your divinity, I accept sweetness and bitterness with the same equanimity. One and the other will pass away. All that I keep in my soul is the love of God. For this I strive; all else is secondary.
1246. 16 [August 1937], After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus in all His majesty, and He said to me, My daughter, during the weeks when you neither saw Me nor felt My presence, I was more profoundly united to you that at times [when you experienced] ecstasy. And the faithfulness and fragrance of your prayer have reached Me. After these words, my soul became flooded with God’s consolation. I did not see Jesus, and there was only one word I could utter and that was: “Jesus.” And after pronouncing that Name, my soul was again filled with light and deeper recollection, which lasted uninterruptedly for three days. However, outwardly I could still carry out my usual duties.
My whole being was stirred to its most secret depths. God’s greatness does not frighten me, but makes me happy. By giving Him glory, I myself am lifted up. On seeing His happiness, I myself am made happy, because all that is in Him flows back upon me.
1247. I came to know of the condition of a certain soul and of what in that soul is displeasing to God. I learn it in the following way: I immediately feel pain in my hands, my feet and my side, in those places where the hands, feet and side of the Savior were pierced. At that same time, I receive knowledge of the soul’s condition and of the nature of the sin committed.
1248. I experience a desire to make reparation to the Lord Jesus in a way which corresponds [to the offense]. Today I wore a chain belt for seven hours in order to obtain the grace of repentance for that soul. In the seventh hour I felt relief as the soul experienced interiorly the remission of its sin, although it had not yet gone to confession. For sins of the flesh, I mortify the body and fast to the degree that I am permitted. For sins of pride, I pray with my forehead touching the floor. For sins of hatred, I pray and do some good deed for a person whom I find difficult. And thus I make amends according to the nature of the sin of which I am aware.
1249. 19 [August 1937], Today during adoration, the Lord gave me to know how much He desires a soul to distinguish itself by deeds of love. And in spirit I saw how many souls are calling out to us, “Give us God.” And the blood of the Apostles boiled up within me. I will not be stingy with it; I will shed it all to the last drop for immortal souls. Although perhaps God will not demand that in the physical sense, in spirit it is possible and no less meritorious.
1250. Today I realized that I was not to ask for a certain permission, but that I was to respond to this matter as the Mother of God would have me do. For the present, no explanations are necessary; peace has returned to me. I received this inspiration just as I was on my way to make my examination of conscience, and I was very worried because I did not know how to go about it. Divine light can do more in one moment than I, fatiguing myself for several days.