Third Notebook – Paragraphs 1191-1200
1191. As long as we live, the love of God grows in us. Until we die, we ought to strive for the love of God. I have learned and experienced that souls living in love are distinguished in this: that they are greatly enlightened concerning the things of God, both in their own souls and in the souls of others. And simple souls, without an education, are outstanding for their knowledge.
1192. At the fourteenth station. I get the strange feeling that Jesus is going into the ground.
When my soul is in anguish, I think only in this way: Jesus is good and full of mercy, and even if the ground were to give way under my feet, I would not cease to trust in Him.
1193. Today, I have heard these words: My daughter, delight of My heart, it is with pleasure that I look into your soul. I bestow many graces only because of you. I also withhold My punishments only because of you. You restrain Me, and I cannot vindicate the claims of My justice. You bind My hands with your love.
1194. July 13, 1937. Today, Jesus has given me light as to how I should behave toward one of the sisters, who had asked me about many spiritual matters concerning which she had doubts. But basically this was not the question; she only wanted to find out my opinion in these matters in order to have something to say about me to the other sisters. Oh, if at least she had repeated the same words that I had spoken to her without distortions and additions! Jesus put me on my guard in respect to her. I resolved to pray for her, because only prayer can enlighten that soul.
1195. O my Jesus, nothing can lower my ideals, that is, the love which I have for You. Although the path is very thorny, I do not fear to go ahead. Even if a hailstorm of persecutions covers me; even if my friends forsake me, even if all things conspire against me, and the horizon grows dark; even if a raging storm breaks out, and I feel I am quite alone and must brave it all; still, fully at peace, I will trust in Your mercy. O my God, and my hope will not be disappointed.
1196. Today, when a certain sister who was on duty approached me in the refectory [the sisters’ dining room, where assigned sisters serve at the time of common meals], I experienced severe suffering in the places of the Wounds. I was given to know the state of her soul. I prayed much for her.
1197. Sudden calming of a storm. There was a terrible storm last night. I bowed my face low to the ground and started to say the Litany of the Saints. Towards the end of the Litany, such drowsiness came over me that I could in no way finish the prayer. Then I got up and said to the Lord, “Jesus, calm the storm, for Your child is unable to pray any longer, and I am heavy with sleep.” After these words, I threw the window wide open, not even securing it with hooks. Sister N. [probably sister Fabiola Pawluk] then said to me, “Sister, what are you doing! The wind will surely tear the window loose!” I told her to sleep in peace, and at once the storm completely subsided. The next day, the sisters talked about the sudden calming of the storm, not knowing what this meant. I said nothing, but I merely thought within myself: Jesus and little Faustina know what it means …
1198. The 20 th [of July, 1937], I learned today that I am to go to Rabka. (note202) I was not to leave until August 5, but I asked Mother Superior [Irene] to let me go at once. I have not seen Father Andrasz at all, and I asked her to let me leave as soon as possible. Mother Superior was a little surprised that I wanted to leave so soon, but I did not explain the reason for my wanting to do so. That will remain a secret forever. In these circumstances, I have made one resolution which I am going to keep.
1199. [July] 29. I am to leave for Rabka today. I went into the chapel and asked the Lord Jesus for a safe journey. But within my soul there was silence and darkness. I felt I was all alone and had no one [to turn to]. I asked Jesus to be with me. Than I felt a tiny ray of light in my soul as a sign that Jesus was with me but, after this grace, the darkness and shadows in my soul increased. Then I said “Your will be done, for everything is possible to You.” When I was on the train and gazed through the window at the beautiful countryside and the mountains, the torments of my soul grew even greater. As the sisters welcomed me and began to surround me with their warmth, my sufferings redoubled.
1200. I would have liked to hide and rest for a while in solitude, in a word, to be alone. At such moments, no creature is capable of giving me comfort, and even if I had wanted to say something about myself, I would have experienced new anguish. Therefore, I have kept silent at such moments and submitted myself, in silence, to the will of God – and that has given me relief. I demand nothing from creatures and communicate with them only in so far as is necessary. I will not take them into my confidence unless this is for the greater glory of God. My communing is with the angels [cf. Mt. 18:10; Ex. 23:20].