Third Notebook – Paragraphs 1091-1100
1091. Then I heard these words: Go tell the Superior that you are in good health.
I neither know, nor ask how long I will remain in good health. I only know that I am enjoying good health at present. The future does not belong to me. I asked for this health as evidence of God’s will and not in order to seek relief from my suffering.
1092. April 16, 1937. Today, as God’s Majesty swept over me, my soul understood that the Lord, so very great though He is, delights in humble souls. The more a soul humbles itself, the greater the kindness with which the Lord approaches it. Uniting himself closely with it, He raises it to His very throne. Happy is the soul whom the Lord himself defends. I have come to know that only love is of any value; love is greatness; nothing, no works, can compare with a single act of pure love of God.
1093. + O Jesus, shield me with Your mercy and also judge me leniently, or else Your justice may rightly damn me.
1094. April 17. Today, during a catechetical lecture [by Father Theodore (note189)], I was given a confirmation of what I had understood interiorly and lived by for quite some time; namely, that if a soul loves God sincerely and is intimately united with Him, then, even though such a soul may be living in the midst of difficult external circumstances, nothing can disturb its interior life; and in the midst of corruption, it can remain pure and unsullied; because the great love of God gives it strength for battle, and God also protects in a special way, even in a miraculous way, a soul that loves Him sincerely.
1095. When, one day, God gave me the inner knowledge that I had never lost my innocence, and that despite all dangers in which I had found myself, He Himself had been guarding me so that the virginity of my soul and heart would remain intact, I spent the day in fervent interior thanksgiving. I thanked God that He had been pleased to protect me from evil, and also for this: That I had found favor in His eyes, that He Himself had given me assurance of this.
1096. And a few years later, He deigned to confirm me in this grace, and since that time I have not experienced the rebellion of the senses against the soul. I have written this down in greater detail elsewhere in my diary [cf. paragraph no. 40]. As often as I recall this inconceivable grace, a fresh flame of love and gratitude to God bursts forth from my heart; and this same love leads me to complete forgetfulness of self.
1097. Since that time, I have been living under the virginal cloak of the Mother of God. She has been guarding me and instructing me. I am quite at peace, close to Her Immaculate Heart. Because I am so weak and inexperienced, I nestle like a little child close to Her heart.
1098. Although God has confirmed me in this virtue, I am, however, constantly on the watch and fear even my own shadow, but this only because I have come to love God intensely.
1099. This grace from God was given to me precisely because I was the weakest of all people; this is why the Almighty has surrounded me with His special mercy.
1100. April 24. I can sense every major grace in advance; a strange longing and desire for God comes over me, and then I wait for the grace. And the greater the grace, the more distinct is the presentiment, and the fiercer is my struggle with the adversary of my salvation.
My soul is sometimes in such a condition that I can only, describe it by means of a comparison: there are two great friends, and one of them is giving a great feast and has invited the other; both of them are looking forward to it; but the hour of the feast has been set. Well, the moments just before receiving the grace are so violent that it is difficult to describe them. They are marked by painful longing and the fire of love. I can feel the Lord is there, but I cannot be completely absorbed in Him, because the hour has been designated. Often, before such a moment of grace, I am utterly destitute in mind, will and heart. I am left all alone, and I wait for the One God. He Himself effects this in me before His coming.