Second Notebook – Paragraphs 981-990
981. I understood that these two years of interior suffering which I have undergone in submission to God’s will in order to know it better have advanced me further in perfection than the previous ten years. For two years now, I have been on the cross between heaven and earth That is to say, I am bound by the vow of obedience and must obey the Superior as God Himself. And on the other hand, God makes His will known to me directly, and so my inner torture is so great that no one will either understand or imagine these spiritual sufferings. It seems to me that it would be easier to give up my life than to go again and again through one hour of such pain. I am not even going to write much about this matter, because one cannot describe what it is like to know God’s will directly and at the same time to be perfectly obedient to the divine will as expressed indirectly through the superiors. Thanks be to God that He has given me a director; otherwise, I would not have advanced one single step.
982. + I recently received a lovely letter from my dear seventeen-year old sister [Wanda (note175)]. She is begging and entreating me to help her enter the convent. She is ready for any sacrifices for God. I can tell from her letter that the Lord Himself is guiding her, and I rejoice in God’s great mercy.
983. + Today, the Majesty of God enveloped and transpierced my soul to its very depths. The greatness of God is pervading my being and flooding me so that I am completely drowning in His greatness. I am dissolving and disappearing entirely in Him as in my life- source, as in perfect life.
984. My Jesus, I understand well that my perfection consists not in the fact that You command me to carry out these great works of Yours – Oh no! – the soul’s greatness does not consist in this, but in great love for You. O Jesus, in the depths of my soul I understand that the greatest achievements cannot compare with one act of pure love for You. I desire to be faithful to You and to do Your bidding. I am making use of my strength and my reason to carry out all You are asking of me, O Lord, but I have not the least shadow of attachment to all this. I do it all because such is Your will. All my love is drowned, not in Your works, but in You Yourself, O my Creator and Lord!
985. February 25, 1937. I prayed earnestly for a happy death on behalf of a certain soul who was suffering much. For two weeks, she had remained between life and death. I was touched with pity for her and said to the lord, “Sweet Jesus, if the works I am undertaking for Your glory are pleasing to You, then please take her to Yourself and let her rest in Your mercy.” I was strangely reassured; and, after a short while, they came to tell me that the person who had been suffering so much had just died.
986. I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] in need and prayed for him until Jesus looked upon him with kindness and granted him His strength.
987. Today, I came to know that a member of my family is offending God and is in great peril of death. This knowledge pierced my soul with such great pain that I thought I would not survive that offense against God. Begged God’s pardon, but I saw His great anger.
988. I was praying for a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko], asking God to help him in certain matters when I suddenly saw Jesus Crucified. His eyes were closed, and He was immersed in torture. I worshipped His five wounds, each one separately, and asked His blessing for him. Jesus gave me to know interiorly how dear that soul was to Him, and I felt that grace was flowing from Jesus’ wounds upon that soul who, like Jesus, is also stretched upon the cross.
989. My Lord and my God, You know that it is You alone whom my soul has come to love. My soul is entirely drowned in You, O Lord. Even if I did not accomplish any of the things that You have made known to me, O Lord, I would be completely at peace because I would have done what I could.
990. I know well, O Lord, that You have no need of our works; You demand Love, love and once again, love of God – there is nothing greater in heaven or on earth. The greatest greatness is to love God; true greatness is in loving God; real wisdom is to love God. All that is great and beautiful is in God; there is no beauty or greatness outside of Him. O you sages of the world and you great minds, recognize that true greatness is in loving God! Oh, how astonished I am that some people deceive themselves, saying: There is no eternity!
991. February 26, 1937. Today, I saw how the Holy Mysteries were being celebrated without liturgical vestments and in private homes, because of a passing storm; and I saw the sun come out from the Blessed Sacrament, and all other lights went out, or rather, they were dimmed; and all the people were looking toward this [one] light. But at the present time I do not understand the meaning of this vision. (note176)