Second Notebook – Paragraphs 901-910
901. + There is a certain person [Stanislava Kwietniewska (note163)] who tests my patience. I must devote much time to her. When I talk with her, I feel that she is lying, and this, continually. And because she tells me about things far away which I cannot verify, she is able to get away with the lie. But I am inwardly convinced that there is no truth in what she says. When it occurred to me once that I might be mistaken and that she might be telling the truth, I asked the Lord Jesus to give me the following sign: if she is really lying, let her admit to me herself that she has lied about any one of the things concerning which I am inwardly convinced that she is lying. And if she is telling the truth, let the Lord Jesus take this conviction away from me. A little later, she came to me again and said, “Sister, I beg your forgiveness, but I have lied about such and such a thing,” and I understood that the inner light concerning that person had not misled me.
902. January 29, 1937. I overslept today. A little longer, and I would have been too late for Holy Communion because the chapel is a good distance from our section. (note164) When I went outdoors, the snow was knee-deep. But before it occurred to me that the doctor would not have allowed me to go out in such snow, I had already come to the Lord in the chapel. I received Holy Communion and was back in no time. I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, rest close to My Heart. Known to Me are your efforts. My soul is more joyful when I am close to the Heart of my God.
January 30, 1937. One-day retreat
903. I am coming to know God’s greatness more and more and to rejoice in Him. I remain unceasingly with Him in the depths of my heart. It is in my own soul that I most easily find God.
904. During my meditation, I heard these words: My daughter, you give Me most glory by patiently submitting to My will, and you win for yourself greater merit than that which any fast or mortification could ever gain for you. Know, My daughter, that if you submit your will to Mine, you draw upon yourself My special delight. This sacrifice is pleasing to Me and full of sweetness. I take great pleasure in it; there is power in it.
905. + Examination of conscience: continuation of the same, to unite myself to the Merciful Christ. Practice: interior silence; that is, strict observance of silence.
906. + In difficult moments, I will fix my gaze upon the silent Heart of Jesus, stretched upon the Cross, and from the exploding flames of His merciful Heart, will flow down upon me power and strength to keep fighting.
907. An extraordinary thing, [that] in winter a canary comes to my window and sings beautifully for a while. I have tried to check whether there is a canary in a cage somewhere around, but there is none anywhere, not even in the neighboring ward. One of the other patients also heard it, but only once, and wondered how a canary could be singing in this freezing season of the year.
908. + O Jesus, how sorry I feel for poor sinners. Jesus, grant them contrition and repentance. Remember Your own sorrowful Passion. I know Your infinite mercy and cannot bear it that a soul that has cost You so much should perish. Jesus, give me the souls of sinners; let Your mercy rest upon them. Take everything away from me, but give me souls. I want to become a sacrificial host for sinners. Let the shell of my body conceal my offering, for Your Most Sacred Heart is also hidden in a Host, and certainly You are a living sacrifice.
Transform me into Yourself, O Jesus, that I may be a living sacrifice and pleasing to You. I desire to atone at each moment for poor sinners. The sacrifice of my spirit is hidden under the veil of the body; the human eye does not perceive it, and for that reason it is pure and pleasing to You. O my Creator and Father of great mercy, I trust in You, for You are Goodness Itself. Souls, do not be afraid of God, but trust in Him, for He is good, and His mercy is everlasting.
909. + We know each other mutually, O lord, in the dwelling of my heart. Yes, now it is I who am receiving You as a Guest in the little home of my heart, but the time is coming when You will call me to Your dwelling place, which You have prepared for me from the beginning of the world. Oh, what am I compared to You, O Lord?
910. The Lord is leading me into a world unknown to me. He makes known to me His great grace, but I am afraid of it and will not submit to its influence in so far as it may be in my power, until I am assured by my spiritual director as to what thin grace is.