Second Notebook – Paragraphs 841-850
841. O my Creator, I long for You! You understand me, O Lord of mine! All that is on earth seems to me like a pale shadow. It is You I long for and desire. Although You do so inconceivably much for me, for You yourself visit me in a special way, yet those visits do not soothe the wound of the heart, but make me long all the more for You, O Lord. Oh, take me to Yourself, Lord, if such is Your will! You know that I am dying, and I am dying of longing for You; and yet, I cannot die. Death, where are you? You draw me into the abyss of Your divinity, and You veil yourself with darkness. My whole being is immersed in You, yet I desire to see You face to face. When will this come about for me?
842. Sister Chrysostom (note154) came to visit me today. She brought some lemons and apples and a tiny Christmas tree. I was delighted with them. Through Sister Chrysostom, Mother Superior asked the doctor [Adam Silberg] to let me come home for Christmas, and he readily agreed. I was very happy and burst into tears like a little child. Sister Chrysostom was surprised that I looked so had and had changed so much, and she told me, “You know, Little Faustina, probably you will die. You must be suffering a great deal, Sister.” I answered that I was suffering more that day than on other days, but that it was nothing and that, for the salvation of souls, it was not too much. O merciful Jesus, give me the souls of sinners!
843. December 24, . During Holy Mass today, I was united in a particular way with God and His Immaculate Mother. The humility and love of the Immaculate Virgin penetrated my soul. The more I imitate the Mother of God, the more deeply I get to know God. Oh, what infinite longing envelops my soul! Jesus, how can You still leave me in this exile? I am dying of longing for You. Every touch of my soul by You wounds me immensely. Love and suffering go together; yet I would not exchange this pain caused by You for any treasure, because it is the pain of incomprehensible delights, and these wounds of the soul are inflected by a loving hand.
844. Sister C. (note155) came in the afternoon and took me home for the holydays. I was happy to be reunited with the community. As we were riding through the city [Cracow], I imagined it was the town of Bethlehem. As I watched all those people hurrying about, I thought: who is meditating today, in recollection and silence, on this inconceivable mystery? O pure Virgin, You are traveling today, and so am I. I feel that today’s journey has its symbolism. O radiant Virgin, pure as crystal, all immersed in God, I offer You my spiritual life; arrange everything that it may be pleasing to Your Son. O my Mother, how ardently I desire that You give me the Infant Jesus during the Midnight Mass. And I felt such a living presence of God in the depths of my soul, that it was only be sheer will-power that I restrained my joy in order not to show outwardly what was going on in my soul.
845. Before the vigil supper, I entered the chapel for a moment to break the wafer (note155a) spiritually with those dear to my heart. I presented them all, by name, to Jesus and begged for graces on their behalf. But that wasn’t all. I commended to the Lord all those who are being persecuted, those who are suffering, those who do not know His Name, and especially poor sinners. O little Jesus, I fervently ask You, enclose them all in the ocean of Your incomprehensible mercy. O sweet little Jesus, here is my heart; let it be a little cozy dwelling place for Yourself. O Infinite Majesty, with what sweetness You drew close to us. Here, there is no dread of the thunderbolts of the great Jehovah; here, there is the sweet little Jesus. Here, no soul is afraid, although Your majesty has not lessened, but only concealed itself. After supper, I felt very tired and was in pain. I had to lie down. But I kept vigil with the Most Holy Mother, awaiting the arrival of the little Child.
846. December 25, , Midnight Mass. During Mass, God’s presence pierced me through and through. A moment before the Elevation I saw the Mother of God and the Infant Jesus and the good Old Man [St. Joseph], The Most Holy Mother spoke these words to me: My daughter, Faustina, take this most precious Treasure, and she gave me the Infant Jesus. When I took Jesus in my arms, my soul felt such unspeakable joy that I am unable to describe it. But, strange thing, after a short while Jesus became awful, horrible-looking, grown up and suffering; and then the vision vanished, and soon it was time to go to Holy Communion. When I received the Lord Jesus in Holy Communion, my soul trembled under the influence of God’s presence. The next day, I saw the Divine Infant for a brief moment during the Elevation.
847. On the second day of the Feast, Father Andrasz came to celebrate Mass for us, and during Mass I again saw the little Jesus. In the afternoon, I went to confession. Father did not give an answer to some of my questions that concerned this work. He said, “When you recover, we shall talk about it in concrete terms; and now, try to recover completely. As for the rest, you know what guidance to follow and what direction to take in these matters.” As penance, Father told me to say the chaplet that Jesus had taught me.
848. While I was saying the chaplet, I heard a voice which said, Oh, what great graces I will grant to souls who say this chaplet; the very depths of My tender mercy are stirred for the sake of those who say the chaplet. Write down these words, My daughter. Speak to the world about My mercy; let all mankind recognize My unfathomable mercy. It is a sign for the end times; after it will come the day of justice. While there is still time, let them have recourse to the fount of My mercy; let them profit from the Blood and Water which gushed forth for them.
O human souls, where are you going to hide on the day of God’s anger: Take refuge now in the fount of God’s mercy. O what a great multitude of souls I see! They worshiped the Divine Mercy and will be singing the hymn of praise for all eternity.
849. December 27. Today, I returned to my place of solitude [her private room at the sanatorium], I had a pleasant trip as I traveled with a certain person (note156) who was taking her baby to be baptized. We gave her a lift as far as the Church in Podgorze. (note157) In order to get out, she put the baby in my arms. When I took it, I offered it, with an ardent prayer, to God so that some day it might give Him special glory. I felt in my soul that the Lord was looking in a special way on that little soul. When we arrived at Pradnik, Sister N. (note158) helped me to carry my bundle. When we entered my room, we saw a beautiful paper angel with the inscription, “Gloria in ” I think it is from the sick sister to whom I sent the Christmas tree. (note159)
850. And so, the holydays are over. Nothing can still the yearning of my soul. I long for You, O my Creator and Eternal God! Neither celebrations nor beautiful hymns soothe my soul; rather, they make me yearn all the more. At the very mention of Your Name, my spirit springs towards You, O Lord.