Second Notebook – Paragraphs 781-790
781. O Love, O queen! Love knows no fear, It passes through all the choirs of angels that stand on guard before his throne. It will fear no one. It reaches God and is immersed in Him as in its sole treasure. The Cherubim who guards paradise with flaming sword, has no power over it. O pure love of God, how great and unequaled you are! Oh, if souls only knew your power!
782. + I am very weak today. I cannot even make my meditation in the chapel, but must lie down. O my Jesus, I love You, and I want to worship You with my very weakness, submitting myself entirely to Your holy will.
783. + I must be on my guard, especially today, because I am becoming over-sensitive to everything. Things I would not pay any attention to when I am healthy bother me today. O my Jesus, my shield and my strength, grant me Your grace that I may emerge victorious from these combats. O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself by the power of Your love, that I may be a worthy tool in proclaiming Your mercy.
784. + I thank God for this illness and these physical discomforts, because I have time to converse with the Lord Jesus. It is my delight to spend long hours at the feet of the hidden God, and the hours pass like minutes as I lose track of time. I feel that a fire is burning within me, and I understand no other life but that of sacrifice, which flows from pure love.
785. November 29, . The Mother of God has taught me how to prepare for the Feast of Christmas. I saw Her today, without the Infant Jesus. She said to me: My daughter, strive after silence and humility, so that Jesus, who dwells in your heart continuously, may be able to rest. Adore Him in your heart; do not go out from your inmost being. My daughter, I shall obtain for you the grace of an interior life which will be such that, without ever leaving that interior life, you will be able to carry out all your external duties with even greater care. Dwell with Him continuously in your heart. He will be your strength. Communicate with creatures only in so far as is necessary and is required by your duties. You are a dwelling place pleasing to the living God; in you He dwells continuously with love and delight. And the living presence of God, which you experience in a more vivid and distinct way, will confirm you, my daughter, in the things I have told you. Try to act in this way until Christmas Day, and then He Himself will make known to you in what way you will be communing and uniting yourself with Him.
786. November 30, . During Vespers today, an unusual pain pierced my soul. I see that, in every respect, this work is beyond my strength. I am a little child before the immensity of the task, and it is only at the Lord’s clear command that I am setting about to carry it out. On the other hand, even these great graces are a burden for me, and I am barely able to carry them. I see my superiors’ disbelief and doubts of all kinds and, for this reason, their apprehensive behavior toward me. My Jesus, I see that even such great graces can be [a source of] suffering. And yet, it is so; not only may they be a cause of suffering, but they must be such, as a sign of God’s action. I understand well that if God Himself did not strengthen the soul in these various ordeals, the soul would not be able to master the situation. Thus God Himself is its shield.
As I continued Vespers, meditating on this mixture of suffering and grace, I heard the voice of Our Lady: Know, My daughter, that although I was raised to the dignity of Mother of God, seven swords of pain pierced My heart. Don’t do anything to defend yourself; bear everything with humility; God Himself will defend you.
December 1 , . One-day retreat
787. Today, during the morning meditation, the Lord gave me to see and understand clearly that His demands are unchangeable. I see clearly that no one can release me from the duty of doing the known will of God. A great lack of health and physical strength is not a sufficient reason and does not release me from this work that the Lord Himself is carrying out through me. I am to be just a tool in His hands. And so, O Lord, here I am to carry out Your will. Command me according to Your eternal plans and desires. Only give me the grace that I may always be faithful to You.
788. As I was conversing with the hidden God, He gave me to see and understand that I should not be reflecting so much and building up fear of the difficulties which I might encounter. Know that I am with you; I bring about the difficulties, and I overcome them; in one instant, I can change a hostile disposition to one which is favorable to this cause. The Lord explained many things to me in today’s dialogue, although I am not putting everything in writing.
789. Always and in all circumstances, yield the first place to others; especially during recreation listen quietly, without interrupting, even if someone tells me the same thing ten times. I will never ask questions about something that interests me very much.
790. Resolution: still the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ.