Second Notebook – Paragraphs 701-710
701. On this particular day, when I was feeling so bad and still went to work, every now and then I would feel sick. It was so very hot that, even without working, a person felt terrible, not to mention what it was like when one had to work while suffering. So, before noon, I straightened up from my work, looked up to the sky with great trust and said to the Lord, “Jesus, cover the sun, for I cannot stand this heat any longer.” And, O wonder, at that very moment a white cloud covered the sun and, from then on, the heat became less intense. When a little while later I began to reproach myself that I did not bear the heat, but begged for relief, Jesus Himself put me at ease.
702. August 13, 1936. Tonight God’s presence is pervading me, and in an instant I come to know the great holiness of God. Oh, how the greatness of God overwhelms me! I then come to know the whole depth of my nothingness. This is a great torment, for this knowledge is followed by love. The soul bounds forward vehemently toward God, and the two loves come face to face: the Creator and the creature; one little drop seeks to measure itself with the ocean. At first, the little drop wants to enclose the infinite ocean within itself; but at the same moment, it knows itself to be just one small drop, and thus it is vanquished, and it passes completely into God like a drop into the ocean. At first, this moment is a torment, but so sweet that, on experiencing it, the soul is happy.
703. At present, the topic of my particular exam is my union with the Merciful Christ! This practice gives me unusual strength; my heart is always united with the One it desires, and its actions are regulated by mercy, which flows from love.
704. I spend every free moment at the feet of the hidden God. He is my Master; I ask Him about everything; I speak to Him about everything. Here I obtain strength and light; here I learn everything; here I am given light on how to act toward my neighbor. From the time I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in the tabernacle together with Jesus, my Master. He Himself drew me into the fire of living love on which everything converges.
705. September 25. I suffer great pain in my hands, feet and side, the places where Jesus’ body was pierced. I experience these pains particularly when I meet with a soul who is not in the state of grace. Then I pray fervently that the mercy of God will embrace that soul.
706. [September] 29. On the Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel, I saw by my side that great Leader, who spoke these words to me: “The Lord has ordered me to take special care of you. Know that you are hated by evil; but do not fear – “’’Who is like God!’ “ And he disappeared. But I feel his presence and assistance.
707. October 2, 1936. The First Friday of the month. After Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who spoke these words to me: Now I know that it is not for the graces or gifts that you love me, but because My will is dearer to you than life. That is why I am uniting Myself with you so intimately as with no other creature.
708. At that moment, Jesus disappeared. My soul was filled with the presence of God. I know that the gaze of the Mighty One rests upon me. I plunged myself completely in the joy that flows from God. I continued throughout the whole day without interruption, thus immersed in God. In the evening, I fell as if into a faint and a strange sort of agony. My love wants to equal the love of the Mighty One. It is drawn to Him so vehemently that it is impossible, without some special grace from God, to bear the vastness of such a grace in this life. But I see clearly that Jesus Himself is sustaining me and strengthening me and making me capable of communing with Him. In all this, the soul is particularly active.
709. October 3, 1936. During the rosary today, I suddenly saw a ciborium with the Blessed Sacrament. The ciborium was uncovered and quite filled with hosts. From the ciborium came a voice: These hosts have been received by souls converted through your prayer and suffering. At this point, I felt God’s presence as a child would; I felt strangely like a child.
710. When one day I felt I would be unable to carry on till nine and asked S.N. (note140) for something to eat, because I was going to bed earlier as I was not feeling well, S.N. answered, “But you are not ill, Sister; they only wanted you to have some rest, so they made up the illness.” O my Jesus, my illness is so far advanced (note141) that the doctor has separated me from the sisters to prevent them from becoming infected, and yet one is judged in this way. But that’s good; all this is for You, my Jesus. I do not want to write much about external matters, for they are not the reason for my writing; I want in particular to note the graces granted me by the Lord, because these are not only for me, but for many other souls as well.