Second Notebook – Paragraphs 671-680
671. In my spiritual life, I will always hold on to the priest’s hand. About my soul’s life and its needs, I will speak only with my confessor.
672. + August 4, 1936. Inner torment for more than two hours. Agony Suddenly, God’s presence pervades me and I feel as though I am coming under the power of the just God. His justice pervades me to the marrow; outwardly I lose strength and consciousness. With this, I come to know the great holiness of God and my own great misery. A great torment affects my soul; the soul perceives its deeds to be not without blemish. Then the strength of trust is awakened in the soul, which longs for God with all its might. Yet is sees how miserable it is and what utter vanity everything that surrounds it. And face to face with such holiness, Oh, poor soul …
673. I was tormented by terrible temptations all day; blasphemies thrust themselves upon my lips, and I felt an aversion for everything that is holy and godlike. Yet I struggled throughout the day. In the evening, my mind became oppressed: what’s the use of telling this to the confessor?
He will ridicule it. A feeling of aversion and discouragement filled my soul, and it seemed to me that I could by no means receive Holy Communion in that condition. At the thought of not receiving Communion, such a terrible pain seized my soul that I almost cried aloud in the chapel. But I suddenly realized that the sisters were there and decided to go to the garden and hide myself there so as to be able to at least cry out loud. Then suddenly, Jesus stood by me and said, Where are you intending to go?
674. I gave no answer to Jesus, but poured out all my sorrow before Him, and Satan’s attempts ceased. Jesus then said to me, The inner peace that you have is a grace, and suddenly He was gone. I felt happy and unaccountably peaceful. Really, for so much peace to return within a moment – that is a thing only Jesus can do, He, the most high Lord.
+ August 7, 1936.
675. When I received the article (note136) about Divine Mercy with the image [on the cover], God’s presence filled me in an extraordinary way. When I steeped myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus in a great brightness, just as He is painted, and at His feet I saw Father Andrasz and Father Sopocko. Both were holding pens in their hands, and flashes of light and fire, like lightning, were coming from the tips of their pens and striking a great crowd of people who were hurrying I know not where. Whoever was touched by the ray of light immediately turned his back on the crowd and held out his hands to Jesus. Some returned with great joy, others with great pain and compunction. Jesus was looking at both priests with great kindness. After a while, I was left alone with Jesus, and I said, “Jesus, take me now, for Your will has already been accomplished.” And Jesus answered, My will has not yet been completely accomplished in you; you will still suffer much, but I am with you; do not fear.
676. have been talking much with the Lord about Father Andrasz and also about Father Sopocko. I know that whatever I ask of the Lord he will not refuse me, and He will give them that for which I ask. I sensed and I know how greatly Jesus loves them. I am not writing about this in detail, but I know this, and it makes me very happy.
August 15, 1936
677. During a Mass celebrated by Father Andrasz, a moment before the Elevation, God’s presence pervaded my soul, which was drawn to the altar. Then I saw the Mother of God with the Infant Jesus. The Infant Jesus was holding onto the hands of Our Lady. A moment later, the Infant Jesus ran with joy to the center of the altar, and the Mother of God said to me, See with what assurance I entrust Jesus into his hands. In the same way, you are to entrust your soul and be like a child to him.
After these words, my soul was filled with unusual trust. The Mother of God was clothed in a white dress, strangely white, transparent; on Her shoulders She had a transparent blue; that is, a blue-like mantle; with uncovered head [and] flowing hair, She was exquisite, and inconceivably beautiful. She was looking at Father with great tenderness, but after a moment, He broke up this beautiful Child, and living blood flowed forth. Father bent forward and received the true and living Jesus into himself. Had he eaten Him? I do not know how this took place. Jesus, Jesus, I cannot keep up with You, for in an instant, You become incomprehensible to me.
678. The essence of the virtues is the will of God. He who does the will of God faithfully, practices all the virtues. In all the events and circumstances of my life, I adore and bless the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the object of my love. In the most secret depths of my soul, I live according to His will. I act exteriorly according to what I recognize inwardly as the will of God. Sweeter to me are the torments, sufferings, persecutions, and all manner of adversities by divine will than popularity, praise, and esteem by my own will.
679. Good night, my Jesus; the bell is calling me to sleep. My Jesus, You see that I am dying from the desire to save souls. Good night, my Beloved; I rejoice at being one day closer to eternity. And if You let me wake up tomorrow, Jesus, I shall begin a new hymn to Your praise.
680. July 13. During meditation today, I came to understand that I should never speak about my own interior experiences, [but] that I should conceal nothing from my spiritual director; and I will especially ask God to enlighten my spiritual director. I attach greater importance to the words of my confessor than to all the lights taken together that I receive interiorly.