First Notebook – Paragraphs 481-490
481. Almost every feast of the Church gives me a deeper knowledge of God and a special grace. That is why I prepare myself for each feast and unite myself closely with the spirit of the Church. What a joy it is to be a faithful child of the Church! Oh, how much I love Holy Church and all those who live in it! I look upon them as living members of Christ, who is their Head. I burn with love with those who love; I suffer with those who suffer. I am consumed with sorrow at the sight of those who are cold and ungrateful; and I then try to have such a love for God that it will make amends for those who do not love Him, those who feed their Savior with ingratitude at its worst.
482. O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy Church. It is my constant endeavor to plead for mercy for the world. I unite myself closely with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world. God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the voice of his Son. My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us in His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the wrath of God.
483. O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to see that You have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator and Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth will not doubt Your goodness.
Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self (for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want to become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want the fragrance of my sacrifice to be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and understand that this is my task, here and in eternity. You Yourself have told me to speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
484. On a certain occasion, I understood how very displeased God is with an act, however commendable, that does not bear the stamp of a pure intention. Such deeds incite God to punishment rather than to reward. May such deeds be as few as possible in our lives; indeed, in religious life, there should be none at all.
485. I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I remember that one and the other are passing. What does it matter to me what people say about me? I have long ago given up everything that concerns my person. My name is host – or sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the emptying of myself and in becoming like You on the Cross, O Good Jesus, my Master!
486. Jesus, when You come to me in Holy Communion, You who, together with the Father and the Holy Spirit, have deigned to dwell in the little heaven of my heart, I try to keep You company throughout the day, I do not leave You alone for even a moment. Although I am in the company of other people or with our wards, my heart is always united to Him. When I am asleep I offer Him every beat of my heart; when I awaken I immerse myself in Him without saying a word. When I awaken I adore the Holy Trinity for a short while and thank God for having deigned to give me yet another day, that the mystery of the incarnation of His Son may once more be repeated in me, and that once again His sorrowful Passion may unfold before my eyes. I then try to make it easier for Jesus to pass through me to other souls. I go everywhere with Jesus; His presence accompanies me everywhere.
487. In the sufferings of soul or body, I try to keep silence, for then my spirit gains the strength that flows from the Passion of Jesus. I have ever before my eyes His sorrowful Face, abused and disfigured, His divine Heart pierced by our sins and especially by the ingratitude of chose souls.
488. Twice I was exhorted to make myself ready for sufferings awaiting me in Warsaw. The first warning was given interiorly by a voice I heard, and the second took place during Holy Mass. Before the elevation, I saw the Lord Jesus on the Cross and He said to me, Prepare yourself for sufferings. I thanked the Lord for the grace of this warning and said to Him, “I am certainly not going to suffer more than You, my Savior.” However, I took this to heart and kept strengthening myself through prayer and little sufferings so that I would be able to endure it when the greater ones come.
October 19, 1935.
Trip from Vilnius to Cracow for an Eight-day Retreat.
489. On Friday evening during the rosary, when I was thinking about tomorrow’s journey and about the importance of the matter which I was to present to Father Andrasz, (note101) fear seized me at the sight of my misery and incapability, and of the greatness of God’s work. Crushed by this suffering, I submitted myself to the will of God. At that moment, I saw Jesus, in a bright garment, near my kneeler. He said, Why are you afraid to do My will? Will I not help you as I have done thus far? Repeat every one of My demands to those who represent Me on earth, but do only what they tell you to do. At that, a certain strength entered my soul.
490. The next morning, I saw my Guardian Angel, who accompanied me throughout the journey as far as Warsaw. He disappeared when we entered the convent gate. Just as we were passing the little chapel on the way to greet the superiors, God’s presence took hold of me, and the Lord filled me with the fire of His love. At such moments, I always have a better understanding of the greatness of His majesty.
When we took our seats on the train from Warsaw to Cracow, I once again saw my Guardian Angel at my side. He was absorbed in prayer and in contemplating God, and I followed him with my thoughts. When we arrived at the convent entrance, he disappeared.