First Notebook – Paragraphs 441-450
441. Once, the image was being exhibited over the altar during the Corpus Christi procession [June 20, 1935]. When the priest exposed the Blessed Sacrament, and the choir began to sing, the rays from image pierced the Sacred Host and spread out all over the world. Then I heard these words: These rays of mercy will pass through you, just as they have passed through this Host, and they will go out through all the world. At these words, profound joy invaded my soul.
442. Once when my confessor [Father Sopocko] was saying Mass, I saw, as usual, the Child Jesus on the altar, from the time of the Offertory. However, a moment before the Elevation, the priest vanished from my sight, and Jesus alone remained. When the moment of the Elevation approached, Jesus took the Host and the chalice in His little hands and raised them together, looking up to heaven, and a moment later I again saw my confessor. I asked the Child Jesus where the priest had been during the time I had not seen him. Jesus answered, In My Heart. But I could not understand anything more of these words of Jesus.
443. On one occasion I heard these words, I desire that you live according to My will, in the most secret depths of your soul. I reflected on these words, which spoke very much to my heart. This was on the day of confessions for the community. When I went to confession and had accused myself of my sins, the priest [Father Sopocko] repeated to me the same words that the Lord had previously spoken.
444. The priest spoke these profound words to me, “There are three degrees in the accomplishment of God’s will: in the first, the soul carries out all rules and statutes pertaining to external observance; in the second degree, the soul accepts interior inspiration and carries them out faithfully; in the third degree, the soul, abandoned to the will of God, allows Him to dispose of it freely, and God does with it as, He pleases, and it is a docile tool in His hands.” And the priest said that I was at the second degree in the accomplishment of God’s will and that I had not yet reached the third degree, but that I should strive to attain it. These words pierced my soul. I see clearly that God often gives the priest knowledge of what is going on in the depths of my soul. This does not surprise me at all; indeed, I thank God that He has such chosen persons.
Thursday, Nocturnal Adoration.
445. When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes, and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took turns at striking the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures. The Lord said to me, I suffer even greater pain than that which you see. And Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected Himself to the scourging: these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus’ moral suffering during the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, Look and see the human race in its present condition. In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus, and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the Lord Mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women, and high dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing this, my heart fell as if into a mortal agony. And while the executioners had been scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance; but when those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in detail the gravity of the malice of the ungrateful souls: You see, this is a torture greater than My death. Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience the agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, I see the sincere pain of your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and take comfort.
446. Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the cross. When He had hung on it for a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude was not nailed to [their] crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither nailed to [their] crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging [their]crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me. Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in paid and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory.
Among the crucified souls, the most numerous were those of the clergy. I also saw some crucified souls whom I knew, and this gave me great joy. Then Jesus said to me, In your meditation tomorrow, you shall think about what you have seen today. And immediately Jesus disappeared on me.
447. Friday. I was ill and could not attend Holy Mass. At seven o’clock in the morning I saw my confessor celebrating Holy Mass, during which I saw the Child Jesus. Toward the end of Mass, the vision disappeared, and I found myself back in my cell as before. Indescribable joy took hold of me because, although I could not go to Mass in our chapel, I had assisted at it in a church which was far distant. Jesus has a remedy for everything.
July 30, 1935
448. Feast of St. Ignatius. I prayed fervently to this Saint, reproaching him for looking on and not coming to my aid in such important matters as doing the will of God. I said to him, “You, our Patron, who were inflamed with the fire of love and zeal for the greater glory of God, I humbly beg you to help me to carry out God’s designs.” (note97) This was during Holy Mass. Then I saw Saint Ignatius at the left side of the altar, with a large book in his hand. And he spoke these words to me, “My daughter, I am not indifferent to your cause. This rule can be adapted, and it can be adapted to this Congregation.” And gesturing with his hand toward the big book, he disappeared. I rejoiced greatly at the fact of how much the saints think of us and of how closely we are united with them. Oh, the goodness of God! How beautiful is the spiritual world, that already here on earth we commune with the saints! All day long, I could feel the presence of this dear Patron Saint.
August 5, 1935. The Feast of Our Lady of Mercy.
449. I prepared for this feast with greater zeal than in previous years. On the morning of the feast itself, I experienced an inner struggle at the thought that I must leave this Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary. This struggle lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well. During the second Mass, I turned to our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was difficult for me to separate myself from this Congregation…. “which is under Your special protection, O Mary.” Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close to herself and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me Is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of God. She gave me to understand that I had faithfully fulfilled the will of God and had thus found favor in His eyes. Be courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious.
450. I was suffering very much, and it seemed to me I would not be able to make my adoration, but I gathered up all my will power and, although I collapsed in my cell, I paid no attention to what ailed me, for I had the Passion of Jesus before my eyes. When I entered the chapel, I received an inner understanding of the great reward that God is preparing for us, not only for our good deeds, but also for our sincere desire to perform them. What a great grace of God this is!
Oh, how sweet it is to toil for God and souls! I want no respite in this battle, but I shall fight to the last breath for the glory of my King and Lord. I shall not lay the sword aside until He calls me before His throne; I fear no blows, because God is my shield. It is the enemy who should fear us, and not we him. Satan defeats only the proud and the cowardly, because the humble are strong. Nothing will confuse or frighten a humble soul. I have directed my flight at the very center of the sun’s heat, and nothing can lower its course. Love will not allow itself to be taken prisoner; it is free like a queen. Love attains God.