First Notebook – Paragraphs 321-330
August 12, 1934.
321. A sudden illness – a mortal suffering. It was not death, that is to say, a passing over to real life, but a taste of the sufferings of death. Although it gives us eternal life, death is dreadful. Suddenly, I felt sick, I gasped for breath, there was darkness before my eyes, my limbs grew numb – and there was a terrible suffocation. Even a moment of such suffocation is extremely long There also comes a strange fear, in spite of trust. I wanted to receive the last sacraments, but it was extremely difficult to make a confession even though I desired to do so. A person does not know what he is saying; not finishing one thing, he begins another.
Oh, may God keep every soul from delaying confession until the last hour! In understood the great power of the priest’s words when they are poured out upon the sick person’s soul. When I asked my spiritual father whether I was ready to stand before the Lord and whether I could be at peace, I received the reply “You can be completely at peace, not only right now but after each weekly confession.” Great is the divine grace that accompanies these words of the priest. The soul feels power and courage for battle.
322. O my Congregation, my mother, how sweet it is to live in you, but it is even better to die in you!
323. After I received the last sacraments, there was a definite improvement. I remained alone. This lasted for half and hour and then came another attach; but this one was not so strong, as the doctor intervened.
I united my sufferings with the sufferings of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God. Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me. One of them said, “Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell.” As soon as I said, “And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us,” the figures vanished in a sudden whir.
324. The next day, I felt very weak, but experienced no further suffering. After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus just as I had seen Him during one adoration. The Lord’s gaze pierced my soul through and through, and not even the least speck of dust escaped His notice. And I said to Jesus, “Jesus, I thought You were going to take me.” And Jesus answered, My will has not yet been fully accomplished in you; you will still remain on earth, but not for long. I am well pleased with your trust, but your love should be more ardent. Pure love gives the soul strength at the very moment of dying. When I was dying on the cross, I was not thinking about Myself, but about poor sinners, and I prayed for them to My Father. I want your last moments to be completely similar to Mine on the cross. There is but one price at which souls are brought, and that is suffering united to My suffering on the cross. Pure love understands these words; carnal love will never understand them.
325. 1934. On the day of the Assumption of the Mother of God, I did not assist at Holy Mass. The woman doctor (note80) did not allow me; but I prayed fervently in my cell. After a short time, I saw the Mother of God, unspeakably beautiful. She said to me, My daughter, what I demand from you is prayer, prayer, and once again prayer, for the world and especially for your country. For nine days receive Holy Communion in atonement and unite yourself closely to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. During these nine days you will stand before God as an offering; always and everywhere, at all times and places, day or night, whenever you wake up, pray in the spirit. In spirit, one can always remain in prayer.
326. Once, Jesus said to me, My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the cross.
327. Once my confessor [Father Sopocko] asked me where the inscription should be placed, because there was not enough space in the picture for everything. In answered, “I will pray and give you an answer next week.” When I left the confessional and was passing before the Blessed Sacrament, I received an inner understanding about the inscription. Jesus reminded me of what He had told me the first time; namely, that these three words must be clearly in evidence: “Jesus, I trust in You.” [“Jezu, Ufam Tobie.”] I understood that Jesus wanted the whole formula to be there, but He gave no direct orders to this effect as He did for these three words.
I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: “Jesus, I trust in You.”
328. O purest Love, rule in all Your plenitude in my heart and help me to do Your holy with most faithfully!
329. Toward the end of a three-day retreat, I saw myself walking along a rough path. I kept stumbling continually, and I saw following me the figure of a person who kept supporting me. I was not happy with this and asked the person to leave me alone, as I wanted to walk on my own. But the figure, whom I could not recognize, did not leave me for a moment. I got impatient and turned around and pushed the person away from me. At that moment I saw that it was Mother Superior [Irene], and at the same moment I saw that it was not Mother Superior, but the Lord Jesus who looked deeply into me and gave me to understand how painful it was to Him when I did not, even in the smallest things, do my Superior’s will, which is My will, [He said]. I asked pardon of the Lord and took the warning very much to heart.
330. + Once, the confessor told me to pray for this intention, and I began a novena to the Mother of God. This novena consisted in the prayer, “Hail, Holy Queen,” recited nine times. Toward the end of the novena I saw the Mother of God with the Infant Jesus in Her arms, and I also saw my confessor kneeling at Her feet and talking with her. I did not understand what he was saying to Her, because I was busy talking with the Infant Jesus, who came down from His Mother’s arms and approached me. I could not stop wondering at His beauty. I heard a few of the words that the Mother of God spoke to him [i.e., my confessor] but not everything. The words were: I am not only the Queen of Heaven, but also the Mother of Mercy and your Mother. And at that moment She stretched out her right hand, in which She was clasping her mantle, and She covered the priest with it. At that moment, the vision vanished.