First Notebook – Paragraphs 271-280
271. When the Rev. Dr. Sopocko went to the Holy Land, Father Dabrowski, S.J., was the community’s confessor. During one confession he asked me if I was aware of the high degree of [spiritual] life that was present in my soul. I answered that I was aware of it and knew what was going on within me. To this the Father replied, “You must not destroy what is going on in your soul, Sister, nor must you change anything on your own. It is not in every soul that the beautiful gift of a higher interior life is manifest as it is in your case, Sister, for it is manifest in an immense degree. Be careful not to waste these great graces of God; a great ” [Here the thought breaks off.]
272. But previously, this priest had put me through many trials. When I told him that the Lord wanted these things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the establishing of a feast of the Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new community], he laughed at me and told me to come to confession at eight in the evening. When I came at eight, a brother was already locking the church. When I told him that Father had ordered me to come at that time and asked him to let Father know I was there, the good brother went to let him know. Father told him to tell me that priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I returned home empty-handed and did not go to confession to him again, but made a whole hour’s adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might obtain light from god in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left, and he substituted for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet, while previously he had been unwilling to acknowledge these inner inspirations, he now put me under obligation to be faithful to them. God lets such things happen sometimes, but may He be glorified in everything. Still, it requires much grace not to falter.
Annual Retreat. January 10, 1934.
273. My Jesus, again the moment approaches when I will be alone with You. Jesus, I ask You with all my heart, let me know what there is in me that displeases You and also let me know what I should do to become more pleasing to You. Do not refuse me this favor and be with me. I know that without You, Lord, all my efforts will not amount to much. Oh, how I rejoice at Your greatness, O Lord! The more I come to know You, the more ardently I yearn for You and sigh after You!
274. Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this divine light I see my principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of my closing up within myself and of a lack of simplicity in my relations with Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment.
The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my relations with the superior.
275. Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive to make the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
276. From the moment I came to love suffering, it ceased to be a suffering for me. Suffering is the daily food of my soul.
277. I will not speak with a certain person, because I know that Jesus does not like it and that she does not profit by it.
278. At the feet of the Lord. Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, divine Madman, in that You forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your Abasement, O mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O infinite One beyond all understanding, the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift deposited in my heart. They admire you in rapture, but Your Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide in faith? Love tears away the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for You Yourself have drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory be to You, O indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279. God made known to me what true love consists in and gave light to me about how, in practice, to give proof of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God’s will. To show God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, my daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
280. Jesus commanded me to celebrate the Feast of God’s Mercy on the first Sunday after Easter. [This I did] through interior recollection and exterior mortification, wearing the belt for three hours and praying continuously for sinners and for mercy on the whole world. And Jesus said to me, My eyes rest with pleasure upon this house today.