First Notebook – Paragraphs 161-170
161. O Mary, Immaculate Virgin,
Pure crystal for my heart,
You are my strength, O secure anchor,
You are a shield and protection for a weak heart.
O Mary, you are pure and unparalleled,
Virgin and Mother at one and the same time;
You’re beautiful as the sun, by nothing defiled.
Nothing is worthy of comparison to the image of Your soul.
Your beauty enthralled the Thrice-Holy One’s eye,
That He came down from heaven, forsaking th’eternal See’s throne,
And assumed from Your Heart body and Blood,
Hiding for nine months in the Virgin’s Heart.
O Mother, Virgin, this will no one omprehend,
That the infinite God is becoming a man;
It’s only love’s and His inscrutable mercy’s purpose.
Through You, Mother – it’s given us to live with Him for ever.
O Mary, Virgin Mother and Heaven’s Gate,
Through You salvation came to us;
Every grace to us streams forth through Your hands,
And faithful imitation of You only will sanctify me.
O Mother, Virgin – most beautiful Lily.
Your Heart was for Jesus the first tabernacle on earth,
And that, because Your humility was the deepest,
Wherefore You were raised above Angel choirs and Saints.
O Mary, my sweet Mother,
To You I turn over my soul, my body and my poor heart.
Be the safeguard of my life,
Especially at death’s hour, in the final fight.
162. J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You. January 1, 1937 Chart of internal control of the soul. Particular examen – to be united with the merciful Christ. Practice: inner silence, strict observance of silence.
January: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 4.
Exclamatory Prayer: But Jesus remained silent.
February: God and the soul; silence. Victories 36, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, I trust in You.
March: God and the soul; silence. Victories 51, falls 2.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, enkindle my heart with love.
April: God and the soul; silence. Victories 61, falls 4.
Exclamatory Prayer: With God, I can do all things.
May: God and the soul; silence. Victories 92, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: In His Name is my strength.
June: God and the soul; silence. Victories 64, falls 1.
Exclamatory Prayer: All for Jesus.
July: God and the soul; silence. Victories 62, falls 8.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, rest in my heart.
August: God and the soul; silence. Victories 88, falls 7.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, You know …
September: God and the soul; silence. Victories 99, falls 1.
Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, hide me in your Heart.
October: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 3.
Exclamatory Prayer: Mary, unite me with Jesus.
November: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls
Exclamatory Prayer: O my Jesus, have mercy!
December: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls
Exclamatory Prayer: Hail, living Host.
163. JMJ The Year 1937
+ O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.
+1 want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbors’ souls and come to their rescue.
Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors’ needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.
Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.
Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.
Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbor.
Help me, O Lord, that my hart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.
+ You Yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy – if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer – if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically. O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for you can do all things.
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164. + JMJ Warsaw 1933
Probation Before Perpetual Vows (note56)
When I learned I was to go for probation, my heart beat with joy at the thought of such an immense grace, that of the perpetual vows. I went before the Blessed Sacrament; and when I immersed myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I heard these words in my soul: My child you are My delight, you are the comfort of My Heart. I grant you as many graces as you can hold. As often as you want to make Me happy, speak to the world about My great and unfathomable mercy.
165. A few weeks before I was told about the probation, I entered the chapel for a moment and Jesus said to me At this very moment the superiors are deciding which sisters are going to take the perpetual vows. Not all of them will be granted this grace, but this is their own fault. He who does not take advantage of small graces will not receive great ones. But to you, my child, this grace is being given. My soul was seized with joyful surprise, because a few days earlier one of the sisters had said to me, “Sister, you will not be going for the third probation. I myself will see to it that you will not be permitted to make your vows.” I said nothing to the sister, but felt great pain which I tried to conceal as best I could.
O Jesus, how strange are Your ways! I now see that people can do very little on their own, for I did make my probation, as Jesus had told me.
166. In prayer I always find light and strength of spirit although there are moments so trying and hurtful, that it is sometimes difficult to imagine that these things can happen in a convent. Strangely, God sometimes allows them, but always in order to manifest or develop virtue in a soul. That is the reason for trials.
167. Today [November, 1932], I arrived in Warsaw for the third probation. After a cordial meeting with the dear Mothers, I went into the small chapel for a moment. Suddenly God’s presence filled my soul, and I heard these words, My daughter, I desire that your heart be formed after the model of My merciful Heart. You must be completely imbued with My mercy.
Dear Mother Directress [Margaret] At once asked me whether I had had a retreat that year, and I said no. “Then you must first have a retreat of at least three days.” Thanks be to God there was at Walendow (note57) an eight-day retreat in which I could take part. But difficulties arose in regard to my leaving for this retreat. A certain person opposed my going very much, and it already [appeared that] I was not to go. After dinner, I went into the chapel for a five-minute adoration. Suddenly I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, My daughter, I am preparing many graces for you, which you will receive during this retreat which you will begin tomorrow. I answered, “Jesus, the retreat has already begun, and I am not supposed to go.” And He said to me, Get ready for it, because you will begin the retreat tomorrow. And as for your departure, I will arrange that with the superiors. And in an instant, Jesus disappeared.
I began to wonder how this was going to happen. But after a moment I rejected all such thoughts and devoted the time I had to prayer, begging the Holy Spirit for light to see the whole misery that I am. After a short while, I left the little chapel to go about my duties. Soon Mother General [Michael] called me and said, “Sister, you will go to Walendow today with Mother Valeria so that you can start the retreat tomorrow. Fortunately, Mother Valeria happens to be here and you can go together.” Within two hours I was already in Walendow. I reflected for a moment within myself and recognized that only Jesus can arrange things in such a way.
168. When the person who so strongly opposed my participation in the retreat saw me, she showed surprise and dissatisfaction. Paying no heed to this, I greeted her affectionately and went to visit the Lord, in order to learn how I should conduct myself during the retreat.
169. My conversation with the Lord Jesus before the retreat. Jesus told me that this retreat would be a little different from others. You shall strive to maintain a profound peace in respect to your communings with Me. I will remove all doubts in this regard. I know that you are at peace now as I speak to you, but the moment I stop talking you will start looking for doubts. But I want you to know that I will affirm your soul to such a degree that even if you wanted to be troubled, it will not be within your power. And as a proof that it is I who am speaking to you, you will go to confession on the second day of the retreat to the priest who is preaching the retreat; you will go to him as soon as he has finished his conference and will present to him all your doubts concerning Me. I will answer you through his lips, and then your fears will end. During this retreat, observe such strict silence that it will be as though nothing exists around you. You shall speak only to Me and to your confessor; you will ask your superiors only for penances. I felt immense joy that the Lord would show me such kindness and lower himself so much for my sake.
170. The first day of the retreat. I tried to be the first in the chapel in the morning; before the meditation I had a bit of time for prayer to the Holy Spirit and to Our Lady. I earnestly begged the Mother of God to obtain for me the grace of fidelity to these inner inspirations and of faithfully carrying out God’s will, whatever it might be. I began this retreat with a very special kind of courage.