Sixth Notebook – Paragraphs 1651-1660
1651. + Today one of the sisters came into my room and said that such-and-such a sister was very fussy over her own illness, and that she found this very annoying and would gladly give her piece of her mind were it not for the fact that she was not a member of this convent. I answered that I was surprised that she should even think in such a way: “Sister, just think of how many sleepless nights this sick sister has been through and of how many tears ” The sister than came to think differently.
J. M. J.
1652. Adore, my soul, the mercy of the Lord,
O my heart, rejoice wholly in Him,
Because for this you have been chosen by Him,
To spread the glory of his mercy.
His goodness no one has fathomed, no one can measure,
His compassion is untold.
Every soul that approaches Him experiences this.
He will shield her and clasp her to His merciful bosom.
Happy the soul that has trusted in Your goodness
And has abandoned herself completely to Your mercy.
Her soul is filled with the peace of love
You defend her everywhere as Your own child.
0 soul, whoever you may be in this world,
Even if your sins were as black as night,
Do not fear God, weak child that you are,
For great is the power of God’s mercy.
J. M. J.
1653. The light above, where my God reigns,
This it is that my soul yearns for,
This it is for which my heart longs,
And my whole being bounds towards You.
I hasten on to the other world, to God alone,
Into the incomprehensible light, the very fire of love,
For my soul and my heart are created for Him,
And my heart has loved Him from my tender youth.
There, in the resplendent light of Your countenance
My languishing love will rest.
For Your virgin agonizes for You in her exile,
For she lives only when united with You.
J. M. J.
My day is drawing to a close,
Even now I glimpse the refulgence of Your light, O my God.
No one shall learn of what my heart is feeling;
My lips shall fall silent in great humility.
Even now, I draw nigh to the eternal nuptials,
To heaven unending, to spaces without limit.
I long for no repose or reward;
The pure love of God draws me to heaven.
Even now, I go to meet You, eternal Love
With a heart languishing in its desire for You.
I feel that Your pure Love, Lord, dwells in my heart,
And I sense my eternal destiny in heaven.
Even now, I go to my Father, in heaven eternal,
From the land of exile, from this vale of tears,
The earth can no longer hold back my pure heart,
And the heights of heaven have drawn me close.
I go, O my Bridegroom, I go to see Your glory,
Which even now fills my soul with joy
There where all heaven is plunged in Your adoration,
I feel that my worship is pleasing to You, nothingness though I am.
In eternal happiness, I will not forget those on earth,
I will obtain God’s mercy for all,
And I will remember especially those who were dear to my heart,
And the deepest absorption in God will not allow me to forget them.
In these lat moments I know not how to converse with others.
In silence I await only You, O Lord.
I know the time will come when all will understand the work of God in my soul.
I know that such is Your will. – So be it.
1654. 0 truth, O thorny life,
In order to pass through you victoriously
It is necessary to lean on You, O Christ,
And to be always close to You.
I would not know how to suffer without You, O Christ.
Of myself I would not be able to brave adversities.
Alone, I would not have the courage to drink from Your cup;
But You, Lord, are always with me, and You lead me along mysterious paths.
A weak child, I have begun the battle in Your Name.
I have fought bravely, though often without success,
And I know that my efforts have pleased You,
And I know that it is the effort alone which You eternally reward.
0 truth, O life-and-death struggle,
When I rose to do battle, an inexperienced knight,
I felt I had a knight’s blood, though still a child,
And therefore, O Christ, I needed Your help and protection.
My heart will not rest from its efforts and struggle
Until You Yourself call me from the field of battle.
I will stand before You, not to receive a reward,
But to be drowned in You, in peace forever.
1655. + O Christ, if my soul had known, all at once, what it was going to have to suffer during its lifetime, it would have died of terror at the very sight; it would not have touched its lips to the cup of bitterness. But as it has been given to drink a drop at a time, it has emptied the cup to the very bottom. O Christ, if You Yourself did not support the soul, how much could it do of itself? We are strong, but with Your strength; we are holy, but with Your holiness. And of ourselves, what are we? – less than nothing …
+ My Jesus, You suffice me for everything else in the world. Although the sufferings are severe, You sustain me. Although the times of loneliness are terrible, You make them sweet for me. Although the weakness is great, You change it into power for me.
1656. I do not know how to describe all that I suffer, and what I have written thus far is merely a drop. There are moments of suffering about which I really cannot write. But there are also moments in my life when my lips are silent, and there are no words for my defense, and I submit myself completely to the will of God; then the Lord Himself defends me and makes claims on my behalf, and His demands are such that they can be noticed exteriorly. Nevertheless, when I perceive His major interventions, which manifest themselves by way of punishment, then I beg Him earnestly for mercy and forgiveness. Yet I am not always heard. The Lord acts toward me in a mysterious manner. There are times when He Himself allows terrible sufferings, and then again there are times when He does not let me suffer and removes everything that might afflict my soul. These are his ways, unfathomable and incomprehensible to us. It is for us to submit ourselves completely to His holy will. There are mysteries that the human mind will never fathom here on earth; eternity will reveal them.
1657. April 10, 1938. Palm Sunday. I attended Holy Mass, but did not have the strength to go and get the palm. (note244) I felt so weak that I barely made it till the end of Mass. During Mass, Jesus gave me to know the pain of His soul, and I could clearly feel how the hymns of Hosanna reverberated as a painful echo in His Sacred Heart. My soul, too, was inundated by a sea of bitterness, and each Hosanna pierced my own heart to its depths. My whole soul was drawn close to Jesus. I heard Jesus’ voice: My daughter, your compassion for Me refreshes Me. By meditating on My Passion, your soul acquires a distinct beauty.
1658. I received Holy Communion upstairs, for there was no question of my going down to the chapel since I was exhausted because of intense sweating, and when that passed, I had a fever and chills. I felt completely worn out. Today, one of the Jesuit Fathers [Father Zukowicz (note245)] brought us Holy Communion. He gave the Lord to three other sisters and then to me; and thinking I was the last, he gave me two Hosts. But one of the novices was lying in bed in the next cell, and there was no Host left for her. The priest went back again and brought her the Lord, but Jesus told me, I enter that heart unwillingly. You received those two Hosts, because I delayed My coming into this soul who resists My grace. My visit to such a soul is not pleasant for Me. At that point, my soul was drawn close to Him, and I received a deep inner light which gave me to understand, in spirit, all the workings of mercy. It was like a flash of lightning, but more distinct than if I had watched it for hours with the eyes of my body.
1659. Still, in order to write anything at all, I must make use of words, though they cannot render all of what my soul enjoyed on seeing the glory of God’s mercy. The glory of the Divine Mercy is resounding, even now, in spite of the efforts of its enemies and of Satan himself, who has a great hatred for God’s mercy. This work will snatch a great number of souls from him, and that is why the spirit of darkness sometimes tempts good people violently, so that they may hinder the work. But I have clearly seen that the will of God is already being carried out, and that it will be accomplished to the very last detail. The enemy’s greatest efforts will not thwart the smallest detail of what the Lord has decreed. No matter if there are times when the work seems to be completely destroyed; it is then that the work is being all the more consolidated.
1660. My soul was filled with a peace much deeper than anything I had experienced before, a divine reassurance which nothing can efface, a deep peace which nothing can disturb, even though I were to go through the severest of ordeals. I am at peace; God Himself governs all things.