Fifth Notebook – Paragraphs 1371-1380
1371. O Lord, deify my actions so that they will merit eternity; although my weakness is great, I trust in the power of Your grace, which will sustain me.
1372. My Jesus, You know that from my earliest years I have wanted to become a great saint; that is to say, I have wanted to love You with a love so great that there would be no soul who has hitherto loved You so. At first these desires of mine were kept secret, and only Jesus knew of them. But today I cannot contain them within my heart; I would like to cry out to the whole world, “Love God, because He is good and great is His mercy!”
1373. O humdrum days, filled with darkness, I look upon you with a solemn and festive eye. How great and solemn is the time that gives us the chance to gather merits for eternal heaven! I understand how the saints made use of it.
1374. October 30, 1937. Today, during the religious ceremonies (note217) taking place during Mass, and the second day of thanksgiving, I saw the Lord Jesus in great beauty, and He said to me, My daughter, I have not released you from taking action. I answered, “Lord, my hand is too feeble for such work.” Yes, I know; but joined with My right hand you will accomplish everything. Nevertheless, be obedient, be obedient to the confessors. I will give them light on how to direct you. “Lord, I already wanted to begin the work in Your Name, but Father S. keeps putting it off.” Jesus answered me, I know this; so do just what is within your power, but you must never withdraw your efforts.
1375. November 1, 1937
After Vespers today, there was a procession to the cemetery. I could not go, because I was on duty at the gate. But that did not stop me at all from praying for the souls. As the procession was returning from the cemetery to the chapel, my soul felt the presence of many souls. I understood the great justice of God, how each one had to pay off the debt to the last cent.
1376. The Lord gave me an occasion to practice patience through a particular person with whom I have to carry out a certain task. She is slower than anyone I have ever seen. One has to arm oneself with great patience to listen to her tedious talk.
1377. November 5. This morning, five unemployed men came to the gate and insisted on being let in. When Sister N. had argued with them for quite a while and could not make them go away, she then came to the chapel to find Mother [Irene], who told me to go. When I was still a good way from the gate I could hear them banging loudly. At first, I was overcome with doubt and fear, and I did not know whether to open the gate or, like Sister N., to answer them through the little window. But suddenly I heard a voice in my soul saying, Go and open the gate and talk to them as sweetly as you talk to Me.
I opened the gate at once and approached the most menacing of them and began to speak to them with such sweetness and calm that they did not know what to do with themselves. And they too began to speak gently and said, “Well, it’s too bad that the convent can’t give us work.” And they went away peacefully. I felt clearly that Jesus, whom I had received in Holy Communion just an hour before, had worked in their hearts through me. Oh, how good it is to act under God’s inspiration!
1378. I felt worse today, and I went to Mother Superior, intending to ask her for permission to go to bed. However, before I could ask for permission, Mother Superior said to me, “Sister, you must somehow manage by yourself at the gate, because I am taking the girl to work at the cabbage, since there is no one else for the cabbage.” I said – good, and left the room. When I got to the gate, I felt unusually strong, and I was at my post all day and felt well. I experienced the power of holy obedience.
1379. November 10, , When Mother [Irene] showed me the booklet with the Chaplet, the litany and the novena, I asked her to let me look it over. As I was glancing through it, Jesus gave me to know interiorly: Already there are many souls who have been drawn to My love by this image. My mercy acts in souls through this work. I learned that many souls had experienced God’s grace.
1380. I learned that Mother Superior would have quite a heavy cross to bear, together with physical suffering, but that it would not last long. (note218)