Third Notebook – Paragraphs 1021-1030
1021. + I have such a strong desire to hide myself that I would like to live as though I did not exist. I feel a strange inner urge to hide myself as deeply as possible so as to be known only to the Heart of Jesus. I want to be a quiet little dwelling place for Jesus to rest in. I shall admit nothing that might awaken my Beloved. My concealment gives me a chance to commune constantly and exclusively with my Bridegroom. I commune with creatures in so far as it is pleasing to Him. My heart has come to love the Lord with the full force of love, and I know no other love, because it is from the beginning that my soul has sunk deeply in the Lord as in its only treasure.
1022. + Although outwardly I meet with many sufferings and various adversities, this does not, however, lessen my interior life for a moment nor disturb my inner silence. I do not fear at all being abandoned by creatures because, even if all abandoned me, I would not be alone, for the Lord is with me. And even if the Lord were to hide, love will know how to find Him. For love knows no gates or guards; even the keen-eyed Cherub himself, with his flaming sword, will not stop love; it will work its way through wilderness, and scorching heat, through storm, thunder and darkness, and will reach the source from which it came, and there it will endure forever. All things will come to an end; but love, never.
1023. + Today, I received some oranges. When the sister had left, I thought to myself, “Should I eat the oranges instead of doing penance and mortifying myself during Holy Lent? After all, I am feeling a bit better.” Then I heard a voice in my soul: My daughter, you please Me more by eating the oranges out of obedience and love of Me than by fasting and mortifying yourself of your own will. A soul that loves Me very much must, ought to live by My will. I know your heart, and I know that it will not be satisfied by anything but My love alone.
1024. + I would not know how to live without the Lord. Jesus often visits me in this seclusion, teaches me, reassures me, rebukes me, and admonished me. He Himself forms my heart according to His divine wishes and likings, but always with much goodness and mercy. Our hearts are fused as one.
1025. March 19, 1937. Today, I united myself in spirit with the Adoration that is taking place in our house [40-hour Adoration in Cracow], but my soul was full of torments, and some strange kind of apprehension was piercing my heart. Because of this, I redoubled my prayers. Suddenly I saw the gaze of God reaching into the depths of my heart.
1026. As I sat down to a very tasty breakfast, I said to the Lord, “Thank you for these gifts, but my heart is dying of longing for You, and nothing earthly is tasty to me. I desire the food on Your love.”
1027. Today I was drawn by some mysterious force to act. I must resist this attraction, or else I would follow it at once.
1028. March 21, 1937. Palm Sunday. During Mass, my soul was steeped in the bitterness and suffering of Jesus. Jesus gave me to understand how much He had suffered in that triumphal procession. “Hosanna” was reverberating in Jesus’ heart as an echo of “Crucify.” Jesus allowed me to feel this in a special way.
1029. The doctor did not allow me to go to the chapel to attend the Passion Service, although I had a great desire for it; however, I prayed in my own room. Suddenly I heard the bell in the next room, and I went in and rendered a service to a seriously sick person. When I returned to my room, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who said, My daughter, you gave Me greater pleasure by rendering Me that service than if you had prayed for a long time. I answered, “But it was not to You, Jesus, but to that patient that I rendered this service.” And the Lord answered me, Yes, My daughter, but whatever you for your neighbor, you do for Me.
1030. + O my Jesus, give me wisdom, give me a mind great and enlightened by Your light, and this only, that I may know You better, O Lord. For the better I get to know You, the more ardently will I love You, the sole object of my love. In You my soul drowns, in You my heart dissolves. I know no how to love partially, but only with the full strength of my soul and the total ardor of my heart. You Yourself, O Lord, have enkindled this love of mine for You; in You my heart has drowned forever.