First Notebook – Paragraphs 511-521
511. When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not too much surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart. Truth will not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my spirit is strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my heart tells me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel I have regained my equilibrium, then I say more.
512. The day of the renewal of vows. The presence of God flooded my soul. During Holy Mass I saw Jesus, and He said to me, You are My great joy; your love and your humility make Me leave the heavenly throne and unite Myself with you. Love fills up the abyss that exists between My greatness and your nothingness.
513. Love is flooding my soul; I am plunged into an ocean of love. I feel that I am swooning and becoming completely lost in Him.
514. Jesus, make my heart like unto Yours, or rather transform it into Your own Heart that I may sense the needs of other hearts, especially those who are sad and suffering. May the rays of mercy rest in my heart.
515. In the evening, when I was walking in the garden saying my rosary and came to the cemetery, (note102) 1 opened the gate a little and began to pray for a while, and I asked them interiorly, “You are very happy are you not? Then I heard the words, “We are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God’s will” – and then silence as before. I became introspective and reflected for a long time on how I am fulfilling God’s will and how I am profiting from the time that God has given me.
516. On the evening of that same day, when I had already gone to bed, a certain soul came to me, woke me up by tapping on the night table and asked me to pray for her. I wanted to ask who she was, but I mortified my curiosity and joined this little mortification to my prayer and offered them for her.
517. Once, when visiting a sick sister (note103) who was eighty-four and known for many virtues, I asked her, “Sister, you are surely ready to stand before the Lord, are you not?” She answered, “I have been preparing myself all my life long for this last hour.” And then she added, “Old age does not dispense one from the combat.”
518. + Before all Souls’ Day, I went to the cemetery at dusk. Although it was locked, I managed to open the gate a bit and said, “If you need something, my dear little souls, I will be glad to help you to the extent that the rule permits me.” I then heard these words, “Do the will of God; we are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God’s will.”
519. In the evening, these souls came and asked me to pray for them, and I did pray very much for them. In the evening, when the procession was returning from the cemetery, I saw a great multitude of souls walking with us into the chapel and praying with us. I prayed a good deal, for I had my superiors, permission (note104) to do so.
520. During the night, a soul I had already seen before visited me. However, it did not ask for prayer, but reproached me, saying that I used to be very haughty and vain…. “and now you are interceding for others while you yourself still have certain vices.” I answered that I indeed had been vain and haughty, but that I had confessed this and had done penance for my stupidity, and that I trusted in the goodness of my God, and that if I still fell occasionally, this was indeliberate and never premeditated, even in the smallest things. Still, the soul continued to reproach me, saying, “Why are you unwilling to recognize my greatness? Why do you alone not glorify me for my great deeds as all others do?” Then I saw that this was Satan under the assumed appearance of this soul and I said, “Glory is due to God alone; begone Satan!” And in an instant this soul fell into an abyss, horrible beyond all description. And I said to the wretched soul that I would tell the whole Church about this.
521. On Saturday we left Cracow and returned to Vilnius. On the way we visit Czestochowa. When I was praying before the miraculous picture, I felt that…. are pleasing…. [unfinished thought],
[End of Notebook 1]